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what happened when i stopped letting anxiety control me

What Happened When I Stopped Letting Anxiety Control Me

anxiety anxietyattack anxious body connection california california livin change your life coaching defeated growth money san diego spiritual growth Aug 04, 2021

I want to share something that I wrote in the bathtub the other night.

While I was soaking in lavender Epsom salts somewhere in southern California.

Something that honestly, 5 years ago...I wouldn't have even let myself admit that I wanted.

People would talk about moving, and I'd shake it off without even letting myself consider. 

"No, my family is here. I love my friends. Life is good."

And you know...my family is at home. And lots of my really good friends are too.

And I love them. And I talk to them every day lol.

I wasn't letting myself imagine what it might be like to move to California because I was afraid it wasn't possible for me.

And if I wanted it, and it didn't happen...I'd be heartbroken.

But if I wasn't interested...it was guaranteed not to happen. And there'd be no surprises.

I'm grateful that I got over my ego one step at a time.

Here, I want to share with you what I wrote now:

I’m writing to you now from a bathtub in San Diego, whereas 5 years ago...I was in my parents’ basement in New Jersey, crying to my then-boyfriend about how hard it was to live inside my head.

“You just don’t get it.”

I said those words so fucking often.

I don’t talk about this much because I never identified as a person with an anxiety disorder, but in my early 20’s, my anxiety was a constant in my life.

It decided my every move.

It didn’t debilitate me—it controlled me.

I worked from 6 am to 6 pm as the director of before and after care at an elementary school (exhausting) and doing paralegal work at a law firm during school hours.

I’d have an hour midday between jobs where I’d go lay in my bed to nap.

I’d come home at night completely drained.

Crying “for no reason”.

Picking fights for no reasons other than my emotions needing a place to go.

I didn’t start out where I am now.

I started out feeling anxious and defeated.

And then I moved into fed-the-fuck-up.

Uncomfortable in my body, my mind, having zero connection to my soul...I started working out. Reading books about mindset.

Accepting my life as my responsibility rather than my burden.

And I changed. I grew. I stopped letting anxious thoughts of “what if” run my life, and I started running my fucking life.

I jumped into building a business head first. With zero idea what I was doing. Just knowing that I felt GOOD...and that there were women out there feeling how I used to feel who deserved the chance to feel good, too.

Women who had no one else speaking to them.

So I spoke.

I showed up.

I leaned in.

I learned.

I fucked up.

Learned some more.

Kept going.

And now I’m here.

In a bath tub in San Diego.

Writing a post on Instagram with crystals and a glass of wine next to me, calling it “work”. I’ve helped so many women find peace within themselves.

And now, my mission is to help them continue to spread that peace.

To create a ripple effect.

To impact the people who need to hear them speak up.

Show up.

Lean in.

Learn.

Fuck up.

Learn some more.

Keep going.

 

If you’re a woman who’s grown and are ready to impact lives, Strengthen Your Coaching Craft will up-level the transformations you provide to your clients and have you feeling confident in your services and prices.

Sign up now, let's get you admitting to those big dreams.